Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
