bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
