I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need moral support for this bender
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
