help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
