i already hear my dad disowning me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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