there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
