im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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