I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
