I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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