You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
