Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
