Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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