Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
