Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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