i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
