Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
