Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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