Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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