I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
