I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
