I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
