mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
