Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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