the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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