we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
