I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
