Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
