Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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