Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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