I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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