I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
