we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
