dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
