I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
