Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
