I puked a lego.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
