I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
