4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
