OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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