At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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