her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
