You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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