I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
