And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
