Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
