the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
