I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ttyl tear gas
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
