So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize