Porn is love you can see.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
