Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
