Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
