you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
